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The Flood
Down there?
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| Down there? I haven’t been down there since 1953. No, it had nothing to do with Eisenhower. No, no, it’s a cellar down there. It’s very damp, clammy. You don’t want to go down there. Trust me. You’d get sick. Suffocating. Very nauseating. | The smell of the clamminess and the mildew and everything. Whew! Smells unbearable. Gets in your clothes. No, there was no accident down there. It didn’t blow up or catch on fire or anything. It wasn’t so dramatic. I mean…well, never mind. No. |
| The smell of the clamminess and the mildew and everything. Whew! Smells unbearable. Gets in your clothes. No, there was no accident down there. It didn’t blow up or catch on fire or anything. It wasn’t so dramatic. I mean…well, never mind. No. | Never mind. I can’t talk to you about this. What’s a smart girl like you going around talking to old ladies about their down-theres for. We didn’t do this kind of a thing when I was a girl. What? Jesus, OK. There was this boy, Andy Leftkov. |
| Never mind. I can’t talk to you about this. What’s a smart girl like you going around talking to old ladies about their down-theres for. We didn’t do this kind of a thing when I was a girl. What? Jesus, OK. There was this boy, Andy Leftkov. | He was cute — well I thought so. And tall, like me, and I really liked him. He asked me out for a date in his car… I can’t tell you this. I can’t do this, talk about down there.You just know it’s there. Like the cellar. |
| He was cute — well I thought so. And tall, like me, and I really liked him. He asked me out for a date in his car… I can’t tell you this. I can’t do this, talk about down there.You just know it’s there. Like the cellar. | There’s rumbles down there sometimes. You can hear the pipes and things get caught there, little animals and things, and it gets wet, and sometimes people have to plug up the leaks. Otherwise the door stays closed. You forget about it. |
| There’s rumbles down there sometimes. You can hear the pipes and things get caught there, little animals and things, and it gets wet, and sometimes people have to plug up the leaks. Otherwise the door stays closed. You forget about it. | I mean, it’s part of the house, but you don’t see it or think about it. It has to be there, though, ’cause every house needs a cellar otherwise the bedroom would be in the basement. Oh Andy, Andy Leftkov. Right. Andy was very good looking. |
| I mean, it’s part of the house, but you don’t see it or think about it. It has to be there, though, ’cause every house needs a cellar otherwise the bedroom would be in the basement. Oh Andy, Andy Leftkov. Right. Andy was very good looking. | He was a catch. That’s what we called it in my day. We were in his car, a new white Chevy Bel air. I remember thinking that my legs were too long for the seat. I have long legs. They were shmushed up against the dashboard. |
| He was a catch. That’s what we called it in my day. We were in his car, a new white Chevy Bel air. I remember thinking that my legs were too long for the seat. I have long legs. They were shmushed up against the dashboard. | I was looking at my big kneecaps when he just kissed me in this surprisingly “Take me by control like they do in the movies” kind of way. And I got excited, so excited and well, there was a flood down there. I couldn’t control it. |
| I was looking at my big kneecaps when he just kissed me in this surprisingly “Take me by control like they do in the movies” kind of way. And I got excited, so excited and well, there was a flood down there. I couldn’t control it. | It was like this force of passion, this river of life just flooded out of me, right through my panties, right onto the car seat of his new white Chevy Belair. It wasn’t pee and it was smelly — well, frankly I didn’t really smell anything at all, |
| It was like this force of passion, this river of life just flooded out of me, right through my panties, right onto the car seat of his new white Chevy Belair. It wasn’t pee and it was smelly — well, frankly I didn’t really smell anything at all, | but he said, Andy said that it smelled like sour milk and it was staining his car seat. I was “a stinky weird girl,” he said. I wanted to explain that his kiss had caught me off guard, that I wasn’t normally like this. |
| but he said, Andy said that it smelled like sour milk and it was staining his car seat. I was “a stinky weird girl,” he said. I wanted to explain that his kiss had caught me off guard, that I wasn’t normally like this. | I tried to wipe the flood up with my dress. It was a new yellow primrose dress and it looked so ugly with the flood on it. Andy drove me home without saying another word and when I got out and closed his car door, I closed the whole store. |
| I tried to wipe the flood up with my dress. It was a new yellow primrose dress and it looked so ugly with the flood on it. Andy drove me home without saying another word and when I got out and closed his car door, I closed the whole store. | Locked it, never opened for business again. I dated some after that, but the idea of flooding made me too nervous. I never even got close again. I used to have dreams, crazy dreams. Oh they’re dopey. Why? Burt Reynolds. I don’t know why. |
| Locked it, never opened for business again. I dated some after that, but the idea of flooding made me too nervous. I never even got close again. I used to have dreams, crazy dreams. Oh they’re dopey. Why? Burt Reynolds. I don’t know why. | He never did much for me in life, but in my dreams…it was always Burt and I, Burt and I, Burt and I. It was always the same general dream. We’d be out. Burt and I. It was some restaurant like the kind you see in Atlantic City, |
| He never did much for me in life, but in my dreams…it was always Burt and I, Burt and I, Burt and I. It was always the same general dream. We’d be out. Burt and I. It was some restaurant like the kind you see in Atlantic City, | all big with chandeliers and stuff and thousands of waiters with the vests. Burt would give me this orchid corsage. I’d pin it on my blazer. We’d laugh. We were always laughing Burt and I, laughing, laughing. We’d eat shrimp cocktail. |
| all big with chandeliers and stuff and thousands of waiters with the vests. Burt would give me this orchid corsage. I’d pin it on my blazer. We’d laugh. We were always laughing Burt and I, laughing, laughing. We’d eat shrimp cocktail. | Huge shrimp, fabulous shrimp. We’d laugh more. We were very happy together. Then he’d look into my eyes and pull me to him in the middle of the restaurant — and just as he was about to kiss me, the whole restaurant would start to shake, |
| Huge shrimp, fabulous shrimp. We’d laugh more. We were very happy together. Then he’d look into my eyes and pull me to him in the middle of the restaurant — and just as he was about to kiss me, the whole restaurant would start to shake, | pigeons would fly out from under the table — I don’t know what those pigeons were doing there — and the flood would come straight from down there. It would pour out of me. It would pour and pour. There would be fish inside it |
| pigeons would fly out from under the table — I don’t know what those pigeons were doing there — and the flood would come straight from down there. It would pour out of me. It would pour and pour. There would be fish inside it | and little boats and the whole restaurant would fill with my flood and Burt would be standing waist deep in it, looking horribly disappointed in me that I’d done it again, horrified as he watched his friends, Dean Martin and the like, |
| and little boats and the whole restaurant would fill with my flood and Burt would be standing waist deep in it, looking horribly disappointed in me that I’d done it again, horrified as he watched his friends, Dean Martin and the like, | swim past us in their tuxedos and evening gowns. I don’t have those dreams anymore. Not since they took away just about everything connected with down there. Moved out the uterus, the tubes, the whole works. |
| swim past us in their tuxedos and evening gowns. I don’t have those dreams anymore. Not since they took away just about everything connected with down there. Moved out the uterus, the tubes, the whole works. | The doctor thought he was being funny. He told me if you don’t use it, you lose it. But really I found out it was cancer. Everything around it had to go. Who needs it anyway. Highly overrated. I’ve done other things. I love the dog shows. I sell antiques. |
| The doctor thought he was being funny. He told me if you don’t use it, you lose it. But really I found out it was cancer. Everything around it had to go. Who needs it anyway. Highly overrated. I’ve done other things. I love the dog shows. I sell antiques. | You ask me what would it wear? What kind of question is that? What would it wear? It would wear a big sign: CLOSED DUE TO FLOODING. What would it say? I told you. It’s not like that. It’s not like a person who speaks. |
| You ask me what would it wear? What kind of question is that? What would it wear? It would wear a big sign: CLOSED DUE TO FLOODING. What would it say? I told you. It’s not like that. It’s not like a person who speaks. | It stopped being a thing that talked a long time ago. It’s a place. A place you don’t go. It’s closed up, under the house. It’s down there. You happy? You made me talk — you got it out of me. You got an old lady to talk about her down-there. |
| It stopped being a thing that talked a long time ago. It’s a place. A place you don’t go. It’s closed up, under the house. It’s down there. You happy? You made me talk — you got it out of me. You got an old lady to talk about her down-there. | You feel better now? (She takes a moment.) You know, actually, you’re the first person I ever told about this, and I feel a little better. |
Created by:
haleyBUGoxox
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