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LaSOM - Making Peace
LaSOM - Conflict Resolution
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| 1. What must church leaders and members be willing to do in order for God to repair and restore a church in conflict? | Honestly accept, openly confess, and intentionally address the underlying causes of church conflict. |
| 2. List six common mistakes and oversights that can lead a church into deep trouble. | a. Lack of community b. Worldly privacy c. Shifting responsibility d. Avoidance e. Fear of lawsuits f. Cheap grace |
| 3. What two points summarize the author’s thinking regarding the foundations of church conflict? | a. Church conflict is always theological, never merely interpersonal. b. All church conflict is always about leadership, character, and community. |
| 4. Define the "Culture" component of cultural syncretism as described in the text and cite an example as it contradicts Christianity | -a complex system of assumptions, practices, stories, and beliefs that guide how a common people think and act as well as well as what they value. “meeting my personal needs” is an everyday assumption and behavior in a consumer culture. |
| 4. Define the "Syncretism" component of cultural syncretism as described in the text and cite an example as it contradicts Christianity: | -the uncritical combination of two or more different, often opposing, beliefs and practices into one. (ex. Western culture celebrates individualism and self-promotion. Christianity calls believers to love and serve others. These stories and values are fundamentally opposed. Western individualism actively persuades against spiritual vitality and mutuality, breeding autonomy instead of biblical community. |
| 5. What is the “product” of a church organized around meeting needs of its “customers”? | It breeds selfishness. |
| 5. What does selfishness inevitably lead to? | a. Competition b. Control c. Conflict |
| 6. Define the term system dynamic. | The interrelationship of external and internal forces that influence our decisions and create the conditions for conflict. A structure that underlies the way we organize, work, lead, and make decisions in organizations, including churches_ |
| 7. What is the root meaning of the word integrity? | from the word integer, referring to a “whole number,” a “complete entity,” or something “undivided.” |
| 7. What does integrity mean in the context of the church? | being undivided in your relationship to God, yourself, and others. |
| 7. What is the root meaning of the word autonomy? | from the Greek word autonomia, meaning “self-ruling.” |
| 7. What has autonomy come to mean in the context of the church? | Individual privacy, preferences, and rights on personal and corporate levels. |
| 8. What is the right-handed approach to diagnose and address church conflict, what is it's symbol and what is it associated with? | - with power and order. It is a symbol of knowledge, force, discipline and truth. |
| 8. What is the left-handed approach to diagnose and address church conflict, what is it's symbol and what is it associated with? | - with relationship and openness. It is the symbol of mercy, intuition, creativity, and love. |
| 8. Summarize the views of right-handed leaders. | - tend to have an objective view of Scripture and a propositional or rule-based way of looking at life-if you do this, this will happen. Discipline and decision-making is typically autocratic and authoritarian, usually limited to one individual or a small group. |
| 8. Summarize the views of left-handed leaders. | - tend toward a more subjective, relational or democratic view of life. They are concerned about legalism, so they emphasize love, mercy, fairness, and tolerance. Discussions are made by consensus or congregational vote. |
| 9. List the three ways sin is described by the Bible. | a. Forensic b. Ethic c. Dynamic |
| 9. Define "Forensic" sin. | Legal Status or “legal argument” to be used in or appropriate for courts of law or for public discussion. |
| 9. Define "Ethic" sin. | “Missing the Mark”. The word ethic speaks to character, a set of principles and practices governing the conduct of a person. |
| 9. Define "Dynamic" sin. | The Power of Evil and Death. The word dynamic related to power, ability or energy. A dynamic is an interactive system or process of competing or conflicting forces |
| 10. What answer is given to the question “Do we know what the church is for?” | The church is the realm where forgiven saints live into the Gospel. The church forms our character into Christ’s image. Conflict tests and proves our character and our commitment to the Gospel. |
| 11. According to the author why must we not "live up to our calling as Christians"? | it is individualistic and event driven, and is striving that is temporary and inadequate. It is conforming-changing from the outside in. It is reactive, not generative. It is worship without lordship, fellowship without brotherly love, service without sacrifice. |
| 11. What does the author advocate we should do instead of "living up to our calling as Christians"? | Live into the Gospel |
| 11. What is "living into the Gospel"? | It is an ongoing “walk” with others. It is an inside-out spiritual discovery process in which God’s Word, His Spirit, and His people combine to form and transform us. |
| 12. Describe the church formed around self-esteem. | we condemn our members to live lonely, powerless lives, each one trying to grow in human strength. |
| 12. Describe the church formed around true biblical community. | believers grow up together as all submit to the truth of Scripture and to the operation of God’s Spirit to and through one another. |
| 13. A performance-based leader: | a. has to have all the answers b. has to be certain c. has to control d. operates as a symbol that takes center stage e. is easily threatened by others who know or who can do more, and he in turn threatens others because his identity is based upon keeping his own image or performance. f. looks at events, measures mistakes, and hides his faults for fear of being exposed. g. typically works alone. h. will measure and demand authority by title or position: “I am the pastor” or, “I have a doctorate.” |
| 13. A Spirit-formed (servant) leader: | a. continually asks questions. by God’s grace we can discover, obey and grow together b. lives by faith with uncertainty c. facilitates learning and growth d. is a model who points to Christ and gets out of the way. e. empowers others to grow and to serve. f. looks for underlying structures that are causing patterns of problems. He is willing and ever ready to confess sin. g. builds an independent team. h. follows a call and practices gifts for the glory of Christ – “I must decrease” |
| 14. How must leaders learn to think and to act in order to train their people and grow their church in redemptive community? | a. Historically b. Redemptively c. Communally d. Interdependently e. Eternally |
| 15. What two factors are cited as having “much to do” with a person’s conflict style? | a. Your personality b. The family system or culture you grew up in |
| 16. Describe how conflict is the result of unwarranted desire. | because the desire is for personal pleasure and self promotion, not for understanding or seeking God’s will. |
| 16. Describe how conflict is the result of unfilled desire. | because our motive, like our desire, is self-seeking. |
| 16. To what is selfish desire likened throughout Scripture? | Sexual misconduct |
| 17. What does Scripture clarify as a requirement of true repentance, reconciliation, and restitution? | A radical and complete “change of direction” and “change of mind”. This means facing conflict directly and owning fault completely. We can never forget where we came from. |
| 18. What is God’s purpose for conflict? | To accomplish redemption. |
| 18. What does "God’s purpose for conflict is to accomplish redemption" imply about every conflict we face? | they are opportunities to work out our salvation according to God’s redemptive plan. Our conflicts are God-purposed and always for good. |
| 19. How does Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary define the word "passive"? | “not active, but acted upon; suffering or receiving impressions or influences; as, they were passive spectators, not actors in the scene. |
| 19. What is the original meaning (of passive), derived from Old French and Latin? | “subject to emotion” and “to suffer”. |
| 20. Because maintaining relationship is their supreme value, what do passive responders tend to do? | hold secrets and cover up truth to protect themselves or others from being hurt. |
| 21. Keeping silent is a passive form of what? | Lying |
| 21. What causes some leaders to keep silent or passive in conflict and is also the greatest obstacle to most church leaders today? | Fear |
| 21. Beyond failure to lead, what is a leader’s silence? | Unbelief |
| 22. What skills does a passive leader need to learn to become redemptive in response to conflict? | a. Biblical confrontation b. Biblical communication |
| 22. How might Biblical confrontation and Biblical communication start for passive leaders? | by learning how to surface and say what you are thinking or feeling, even when you are not sure what it is or how to say it. |
| 22. What is a good exercise for a passive person in a conflict situation? | To think about and state an emotion that he or she is feeling with the reason. “I am feeling (mad, sad, glad, frustrated, concerned) because…”. |
| 23. List four things an evasive conflict responder will do to avoid confrontation and escape conflict. | a. run away from sin and shirk responsibility for your mistakes b. lie to yourself and others that you have been hurt when someone has sinned against you. c. divert an accusation or minimize the damage of you sin against someone else. d. avoid confrontation at all costs. |
| 24. What simple fact concerning church discipline reveals the prevalence of evasive conflict response in evangelical churches? | Most churches do not discipline their members because the member leaves long before the discipline process can be put in place. |
| 25. How do evasive responders view grace and mercy? | sympathetic and emotional |
| 25. How do evasive responders react in conflict? | They will constantly minimize sin and maximize the need for grace and mercy. |
| 26. What four steps can evasive responders take to initiate change in their approach to conflict? | a. First, confess to two or three brothers or sisters who can encourage you, support you, and hold you accountable. b. Second, ask God to reveal those events and issues in your life that you have evaded. c. Third, ask God to give you boldness and courage from Scripture, from His Spirit, and from others to face each of your conflicts directly. d. Fourth, one by one, address each issue by calling the person or group involved to confess your evasiveness, ask forgiveness, and work out reconciliation. |
| 27. Define what it means to be defensive. | to protect or to justify oneself in the face of criticism, failure, or attack. |
| 27. What do defensive responders believe all conflict is about? | Proving who is right and who is wrong, so authority and position must be defended at any cost. |
| 27. What is the primary sin of defensive people? | They would rather be right than reconciled. |
| 28. What will defensive responders claim that makes them above correction? | a. Special knowledge b. Position c. Anointing d. Authority |
| 28. What Scripture from Psalms is often used as a basis for their claim of being above correction? | “Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.” (Psalm 105:15) |
| 28. How is the use of Psalm 105:15 “do not touch my anointed” by defensive responders a misuse and misinterpretation of this passage? | The command speaks to two situations. The first is David’s refusing to raise his hand against the king of Israel – God’s specially anointed king (1 Samuel 26:9). Being a pastor and the first king of Israel should not be equated. The second situation, found in Psalm 105:15 (and elsewhere) is a warning to pagans not to touch any Israelite. The “anointed ones” are Israelites – all believers. If this verse applies to the church, it is a warning to unbelievers not to touch any believer. |
| 29. What authoritative phrases will defensive responders use to posture themselves? | a. “God told me” b. “The Lord Revealed to me” |
| 29. When is it a sin to claim to have heard from God ? | It is the sin of pride to present this untested, as a requirement for loyalty or spirituality. |
| 30. How does change start for the defensive responder? | with recognizing how your first impulse to defend always makes the conflict worse. Conflict is always about bringing our differences and concerns under the lordship of Jesus Christ. Lordship is always the key issue for leadership. |
| 31. What does it mean to be aggressive? | to be eager to fight; to initiate confrontation; attack, argue, or use emotional, spiritual, and physical force to defeat opposition. |
| 31. An aggressive conflict responder is | hostile to any hint of criticism or disagreement. |
| 31. Where are aggressive leaders frequently found? | In more conservative Independent, Fundamentalist, and Pentecostal churches. |
| 32. How do aggressive responders seek to gain influence over others? | through shame or excessive guilt. |
| 32. What does winning mean to an aggressive responder? | More than just coming out ahead, it means defeating and punishing the opponent. |
| 33. What is a good rule of thumb all leaders should use when a person threatens to resign? | Immediately say, “I accept.” Do not allow the leader to withdraw the resignation. |
| 33. Why is immediate acceptance of a threatened resignation the best course of action? | Any leader who uses a threat of resignation for sympathy or for power should not be in leadership. |
| 34. In what three ways should aggressive responders allow God to change their thoughts and habits about leadership? | a. First, you need to be freed from the false and secular thinking that leadership is about power or position. b. Second, God would have you learn how to lead in truth, not power. c. Third, you must ask God to help you make the lordship of Jesus Christ – not your position, power, or control – the issue. |
| 36. Why is each conflict response style essentially negative? | because it falls short of biblical peace-making principles. |
| 37. When does relational triangulation occur? | when a believer who has a problem with another believer talks to a third party (a friend, a wife, a coworker) about the problem before talking to the person in question. |
| 37. Who is triangulation a sin against and why? | The other person, the church, and the third party because it serves to separate, not unite; it breaks oneness and violates a trust. |
| 37. What four steps should be taken to stop triangulation? | a. Stop and inquire b. Warn c. Affirm d. Hold accountable |
| 38. List five kinds of false peace. | a. Personal peace b. Agreeing to disagree c. Forgiving and forgetting d. Peace-keeping e. Détente |
| 39. What two principles relate to how God calls the church and all believers to a ministry of reconciliation under lordship and light? | a. Everything you need to be reconciled has already been provided for you in God’s Word, by His Spirit, and through His church. b. Reconciliation must always involve all three: the Word, the Spirit, and the church. |
| 40. Give the military connotation behind the Greek word for submit. | “to arrange a troop or division in a military fashion under the command of a leader.” |
| 40. What is the definition in non-military terms for submit? | A voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden. |
| 41. What three specific traits mark the submissive leader? | a. Humble b. Leadable c. Teachable |
| 42. What Scriptural exception is there to overrule obedience to leadership? | Scripture teaches that obedience to man is required unless it violates God’s commands. |
| 42. What Scriptural exceptions are there to overrule submission to leadership? | There are no Scriptural exemptions that overrule submission to leadership. Submission is required even in the face of obvious failure or sin. |
| 42. The witness of Scripture is that submission is ______________. | unconditional |
| 42. Most church conflict is about submission, not _____________. | obedience |
| 42. Without submission there is no ____________. | church |
| 43. Why does all sin, especially secret sin, always impact the whole body of Christ? | it breaks oneness in the same way adultery breaks oneness and sabotages a marriage long before the sin is known. |
| 44. In its Scriptural use, what is the literal meaning of the Greek word for truth? | Aletheia means “nonconcealment”. |
| 44. What does the word for love (Agape) mean in its Scriptural use? | means “total commitment and total trust”. |
| 44. In what two ways do truth and love work together? | Truth sanctifies and love sacrifices |
| 45. Give three assertions that should be made in examining conflict when it arises? | a. First, admit, “I don’t know what the problem is.” b. Second, the leader should say, “I must be contributing to the conflict somehow.” c. Third, every leader faced with a conflict or issue should assert, “The problem that has surfaced is likely not the fundamental problem.” |
| 46. List three principles for loving confrontation. | a. First, the initiative for confronting sin is both personal and universal b. Second, confrontation must be immediate c. Third, confronting sin is a prerequisite for, and must precede, worship |
| 47. When a pastor or Christian leader fails, what is the first and worst reaction? | to cover up |
| 48. List three reasons we need to recover confession in the church. | a. to glorify God b. to form personal character c. to build the community of believers |
| 49. What are the five simple steps to making public confession? | a. First, the confessor must own the problem specifically. b. Second, the sinner must confess the sin completely. c. Third, once a sinner has confessed specifically and completely, the sinner must ask for forgiveness humbly. d. Fourth, the sinner should state a commitment to turn around and, when circumstances warrant, ask the body for help to change. e. Fifth, the sinner should begin to make restitution immediately. |
| 50. How does the New International Version of the Old Testament choose to translate a Hebrew root word meaning “to be in a covenant of peace” 18 different times? | By using the word “restitution”. “To make restitution is to complete a payment, to make compensation.” |
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NICJOLLEY
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