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Habit 4
Think Win-Win
Term | Definition |
---|---|
Habit 4: Think Win-Win | is essential to your meaningful life and a basic principle of successful living. |
Paradigms of Habit 4 | Win-lose Lose-Win Lose-Lose Win-Win or No Deal |
"I'm going to beat you no matter what." | Win-Lose mentality |
Win-Lose | High on courage and low on consideration, you're always trying to get ahead of others or be better than other people. |
"I always get stepped on." , "Have your way with me. Everybody else does." | Lose-Win mentality |
Lose-Win | Low on courage and high on consideration, you're insecure and not brave enough to stick up for yourself. |
"If I'm going down, you're going with me." | Lose-Lose mentality |
Lose-lose | Low in both courage and consideration. If you can't win, nobody wins. You get revenge. |
"We're going to win together." | Win-Win or No Deal mentality |
Win-Win or No Deal | High in both courage and consideration. Balancing courage and consideration is the way to help others feel good and for you to feel good too. |
People who think win-win or no deal live by two principles | Courage and Consideration |
EBA | Emotional Bank Account |
Emotional Bank Account | is a relationship. |
A deposit | When you do something that helps the relationship |
A withdrawal | When you do something that hurts the relationship. |
Find Out What a Deposit Is for the Other Person | What you think is a deposit for the other person may in fact be a withdrawal in their mind. You won't know unless you found out. |
Do Small Acts of Kindness | A second deposit is to treat people with kindness. The opposite is to be unkind, discourteous, and disrespectful. |
Does EBAs exist in online relationships? | Yes they do; it's easier to fire off an email or text, so use your habit 1 skill and push the pause button before you hit "send." |
Keep Promises | It's so important to make good on your word and be very careful before using the words "I promise" or "I commit." Nothing breaks a EBA faster than to break a serious promise. |
Keep Confidences | When someone shares something with you in confidence, keep it that way. |
Be Loyal to the Absent | Avoid gossiping or backbiting. If you bad-mouth someone, the people listening to you will wonder if you're doing the same behind their back. |
Set Clear Expectations | Don't leave things fuzzy. With roommates: "I'll make dinner this week if you'll clean the kitchen." Or at work: "I just want to be clear about the job you're asking me to do." |
Apologize | If you're in the wrong, admit it. Making excuses instead of making things better turns into an even bigger withdrawal. |
Forgive | Learn to forgive and to forget so that you don't keep hurting yourself the way you were hurt. |