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Habit 4:
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Term | Definition |
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Win-Lose | You can't win unless other people lose. It's like the story about two friends being chased by a bear in a forest, when one turned to the other and said, "Hey buddy, I just realized something. I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you." |
Lose-Win | You're not brave enough to stick up for yourself. You're saying, "Have your way with me. Everybody else does." You have a permanent victim mentality ("Poor me!"), and you're always looking for sympathy. |
Lose-Lose | If you can't win, nobody wins. "If I can't have the scholarship, I am certainly not going to tell my very qualified best friend about it." You envy and criticize others. |
Win-Win or No Deal | You're ready to walk away before someone loses including yourself. Balancing courage and consideration is the way to help others feel good and for you to feel good too. |
Lose-Win (Courage and Consideration Matrix) | You're eager to please and reluctant to stand up for yourself; therefore, you often end up in lose-win situations. Your roommate makes all the decisions and treats you like a doormat. You want to be liked, so you don't say anything. |
Lose-Lose (Courage and Consideration Matrix) | You don't care if other people lose, nor do you have the courage to stand up for yourself. |
Win-Lose (Courage and Consideration Matrix) | You're bold but cold--unsympathetic, inconsiderate, unkind. You want to get ahead, be the best, and rise above, even if it means stepping on someone else to get there. |
Win-Win or No Deal (Courage and Consideration Matrix) | You're ready to walk away before someone loses--including yourself. Balancing courage and consideration takes proactive patience, so don't give up too soon. |
Find Out What a Deposit Is for the Other Person | What yo think is a deposit for the other person may in fact be a withdrawal in their mind. You won't know unless you find out. |
Do Small Acts of Kindness | A second deposit is to treat people with kindness. If you want to make friends, take the initiative, be kind to others, an create connections while making deposits. |
Keep Promises | Nothing bankrupts the EBA faster than to break a serious promise. That's why it's so important to make good on your word and be very careful before using the words "I promise" or "I commit." Actions ultimately speak louder than words. |
Keep Confidences | When someone shares something with you in confidence, keep it that way. Be careful about what you spread around about other people on social media. Texting or posting photos or information about others can humiliate them and get you in trouble. |
Be Loyal to the Absent | If you bad-mouth someone, the people listening to you will wonder if you're doing the same to them behind their back. If you hear someone bad-mouthing a friend, speak up. |
Set Clear Expectations | Don't leave things fuzzy. Make your statements towards anyone you are around coherent, achievable, and fair. Then follow through on what's expected. |
Apologize | If you're in the wrong, admit it now: "That was unkind of me, I apologize." Some people refuse to say they're sorry until the other person apologizes, or they make up excuses for their behavior. |
Forgive | Learn to forgive and to forget so that yo don't keep hurting yourself the way you were hurt. Don't let yesterday hold your tomorrow hostage. Getting even or talking about other people's failings won't help you. |